1 请假 To Ask For Leave
"So you want another day off,” snorted the teacher to his student，Tom.“I am anxious to hear what excuse you have this time. You have been off for your grandfather's funeral four times already.”
Tom replied，"Today my grandma is getting married again.”
“这么说，你又要请一天假，”老师怒气冲冲地对他的学生汤姆说，“我倒想知道你这次找什么借口。你已经请了四次假说去参加你爷爷的葬礼。”
汤姆回答说:“今天是我奶奶再次举行婚礼。”
2 我希望您的面包病好了 I hope your bread gets better
I was making rolls and, needing a warm place for the dough to rise, put the bowl in a heating pad. Then I left the house on an errand. When I came back, I found this note from my son: "Dear Mom, I hope your bread gets better."
我在做面包，需要把面团放在一个暖和点的地方使它发起来。我把面盆放在电热褥里，后来就出去干别的活去了。等我回家时，发现儿子留下一张纸条，上面写着：“亲爱的妈妈，我希望您的面包已经病好了。”
3 大五个月 Five Months Older
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。
可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。
“你多大了？”军医问。
“十八，长官。”约翰说。
“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗？”
约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”
4 数学教授 A Math Professor
A math professor has just been knocked down by a speeding car. A police officer rushed over and asked“Were you able to get the license number of the vehicle that hit you, sir?”
The professor replied，"Well, not exactly，but I do recall that if the number was multiplied by itself, then divided by three, the square root of the answer would turn out to be the original number with the integers reversed.”
一位数学教授被一俩时速很快的车撞倒了。警察跑过去问:“先生，您能说出撞您的那辆车的车牌号码吗?”
教授回答:“嗯，我说不准，可是我记得，如果将号码自乘，再除以三，然后开方，则平方根正好同原数的次序颠倒过来。”
5 等明年再说 Wait till Next Year
The woman was reading the newspaper as she and her husband were eating breakfast. "Did you hear about this, dear?" she asked. "It seems a man traded his wife for season tickets to the Spurs. You wouldn't do a thing like that, would you, sweetheart?" "No way," answered the husband. "The season's almost half over."
一位女士和她先生正在用早餐，她边吃边看报纸。“亲爱的，你听过这则新闻吗？”她问道。“似乎是一个男的为了看马刺队的比赛，用他太太跟人换了球季的门票。你不会那么做吧，亲爱的？”“我才不会那么傻呢！”先生答道。“今年球季几乎都过了一大半了."
6 渴望爱情 Thirstin' for Love
Thurston was in the habit of visiting his girl-friend's apartment from time to time, but always managed to get home at a decent hour with a plausible excuse. But this time, both he and his girlfriend had fallen asleep, and it was 2:00 a. m before Thurston came to. Thinking fast, he immediately called home, and when his wife answered, panted, "Don't pay the ransom! I've escaped!"
沙斯敦经常去他女友的公寓住处，但他总是设法找个理由以免太晚回家。但这一次，他和女朋友都睡着了，当他醒来时都已经凌晨两点了，沙斯敦脑筋一转，立刻打电话回家，当他太太接电话时，他故意喘着气说：“千万不要付赎金！我已经安全逃出来了！”
(from Internet)
