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> 第五十八章 I Meet My Master，Sri Yukteswar
第五十八章 I Meet My Master，Sri Yukteswar
My promise to Father had been that I would complete my high school studies。I cannot pretend to diligence。
The week of fnal examinations at the Hindu High School was fast approaching。
“Hello，Mukunda！I catch hardly a glimpse of you these days！”A classmate accosted me one afternoon on Gurpar Road。
“Hello，Nantu！My invisibility at school has actually placed me there in a decidedly awkward position。”I unburdened myself under his friendly gaze。
Nantu，who was a brilliant student，laughed heartily；my predicament was not without a comic aspect。
“You are utterly unprepared for the fnals！I suppose it is up to me to help you！”
The night was far gone when I departed。Nantu had coached me in my various subjects but，under press of time，had forgotten my course in Sanskrit。
I set out on a short walk the next morning。As I took a short cut through the weeds of a corner lot，my eye fell on a few loose printed sheets。A triumphant pounce proved them to be Sanskrit verse。I sought out a pundit for aid in my stumbling interpretation。His rich voice flled the air with the edgeless，honeyed beauty of the ancient tongue。
“These exceptional stanzas cannot possibly be of aid in your Sanskrit test。”The scholar dismissed them skeptically。
But familiarity with that particular poem enabled me on the following day to pass the Sanskrit examination。Through the discerning help Nantu had given，I also attained the minimum grade for success in all my other subjects。
My gratitude sped to the Lord，whose sole guidance I perceived in my visit to Nantu and my walk by the unhabitual route of the debris-flled lot。
In my new dignity，I was now openly planning to leave home。Together with a young friend，Jitendra Mazumdar，I decided to join a Mahamandal hermitage in Benares，and receive its spiritual discipline。
“I make one last plea。”Father was distressed as I stood before him for fnal blessing。“Do not forsake me and your grieving brothers and sisters。”
With reluctant parental consent，I set out to join Jitendra，already in Benares at the hermitage。
On my arrival the young head swami，Dyananda，greeted me cordially。His fair face had a Buddhalike composure。
I was pleased that my new home possessed an attic，where I managed to spend the dawn and morning hours。The ashram members，knowing little of meditation practices，thought I should employ my whole time in organizational duties。
“Dont try to catch God so soon！”This ridicule from a fellow resident accompanied one of my early departures toward the attic。I went to Dyananda，busy in his small sanctum overlooking the Ganges。
“Swamiji，I dont understand what is required of me here。I am seeking direct perception of God。Without Him，I cannot be satisfied with affiliation or creed or performance of good works。”
The orange-robed ecclesiastic gave me an affectionate pat。Staging a mock rebuke，he admonished a few near-by disciples。“Dont bother Mukunda。He will learn our ways。”
The sole treasure which had accompanied me from Calcutta was the SADHU‘s silver amulet bequeathed to me by Mother。Guarding it for years，I now had it carefully hidden in my ashram room。To renew my joy in the talismanic testimony，one morning I opened the locked box。The sealed covering untouched，lo！the amulet was gone。Mournfully I tore open its envelope and made unmistakably sure。It had vanished，in accordance with the SADHU’s prediction，into the ether whence he had summoned it。
My relationship with Dyanandas followers grew steadily worse。
Torn by spiritual anguish，I entered the attic one dawn，resolved to pray until answer was vouchsafed。
“Merciful Mother of the Universe，teach me Thyself through visions，or through a guru sent by Thee！”
The passing hours found my sobbing pleas without response。Suddenly I felt lifted as though bodily to a sphere uncircumscribed。
“Thy Master cometh today！”A divine womanly voice came from everywhere and nowhere。
This supernal experience was pierced by a shout from a definite locale。A young priest nicknamed Habu was calling me from the downstairs kitchen。
“Mukunda，enough of meditation！You are needed for an errand。”
Another day I might have replied impatiently；now I wiped my tear-swollen face and meekly obeyed the summons。Together Habu and I set out for a distant market place in the Bengali section of Benares。
A Christlike man in the ocher robes of a swami stood motionless at the end of the road。Instantly and anciently familiar he seemed；my gaze fed hungrily for a trice。Then doubt assailed me。
“You are confusing this wandering monk with someone known to you，”I thought。“Dreamer，walk on。”
After ten minutes，I felt heavy numbness in my feet。As though turned to stone，they were unable to carry me farther。Laboriously I turned around；my feet regained normalcy。I faced the opposite direction；again the curious weight oppressed me。
“The saint is magnetically drawing me to him！”With this thought，I heaped my parcels into the arms of Habu。He had been observing my erratic footwork with amazement，and now burst into laughter。
“What ails you？Are you crazy？”
My tumultuous emotion prevented any retort；I sped silently away。
Retracing my steps as though wing-shod，I reached the narrow lane。My quick glance revealed the quiet fgure，steadily gazing in my direction。A few eager steps and I was at his feet。
“Gurudeva！”The divine face was none other than he of my thousand visions。These halcyon eyes，in leonine head with pointed beard and flowing locks，had oft peered through gloom of my nocturnal reveries，holding a promise I had not fully understood。
“O my own，you have come to me！”My guru uttered the words again and again in Bengali，his voice tremulous with joy。“How many years I have waited for you！”
As we made our way to the stone balcony of a house overlooking the Ganges，he said affectionately：
“I will give you my hermitages and all I possess。”
“Sir，I come for wisdom and God-contact。Those are your treasure-troves I am after！”“I give you my unconditional love。”
“Will you give me the same unconditional love？”He gazed at me with childlike trust。“I will love you eternally，Gurudeva！”
“Ordinary love is selfsh，darkly rooted in desires and satisfactions。Divine love is without condition，without boundary，without change。The fux of the human heart is gone forever at the transfxing touch of pure love。”He added humbly，“If ever you fndme falling from a state of God-realization，please promise to put my head on your lap and help to bring me back to the Cosmic Beloved we both worship。”
He rose then in the gathering darkness and guided me to an inner room。As we ate mangoes and almond sweetmeats，he unobtrusively wove into his conversation an intimate knowledge of my nature。
“Do not grieve for your amulet。It has served its purpose。”Like a divine mirror，my guru apparently had caught a refection of my whole life。
“The living reality of your presence，Master，is joy beyond any symbol。”
“It is time for a change，inasmuch as you are unhappily situated in the hermitage。”
I had made no references to my life；they now seemed superfuous！By his natural，unemphatic manner，I understood that he wished no astonished ejaculations at his clairvoyance。
“You should go back to Calcutta。Why exclude relatives from your love of humanity？”
His suggestion dismayed me。
“Sir，I am not returning home。But I will follow you anywhere。Please give me your address，and your name。”
“Swami Sri Yukteswar Giri。My chief hermitage is in Serampore，on Rai Ghat Lane。I am visiting my mother here for only a few days。”
I wondered at Gods intricate play with His devotees。Serampore is but twelve miles from Calcutta，yet in those regions I had never caught a glimpse of my guru。We had had to travel for our meeting to the ancient city of Kasi（Benares），hallowed by memories of Lahiri Mahasaya。Here too the feet of Buddha，Shankaracharya and other Yogi-Christs had blessed the soil。
“You will come to me in four weeks。”For the frst time，Sri Yukteswars voice was stern。“Now I have told my eternal affection，and have shown my happiness at fnding you-that is why you disregard my request。The next time we meet，you will have to reawaken my interest：I wont accept you as a disciple easily。There must be complete surrender by obedience to my strict training。”
My guru easily penetrated my diffculty。
“I will not return。”
“You will return in thirty days。”
“Never。”Bowing reverently at his feet，I departed without lightening the controversial tension。
In three weeks，Dyananda left the ashram to attend a conference in Bombay；pandemonium broke over my hapless head。
“Mukunda is a parasite，accepting hermitage hospitality without making proper return。”
Overhearing this remark，I regretted for the frst time that I had obeyed the request to send back my money to Father。With heavy heart，I sought out my sole friend，Jitendra。
“I am leaving。Please convey my respectful regrets to Dyanandaji when he returns。”
“I will leave also！My attempts to meditate here meet with no more favor than your own。”Jitendra spoke with determination。
“I have met a Christlike saint。Let us visit him in Serampore。”
The week of fnal examinations at the Hindu High School was fast approaching。
“Hello，Mukunda！I catch hardly a glimpse of you these days！”A classmate accosted me one afternoon on Gurpar Road。
“Hello，Nantu！My invisibility at school has actually placed me there in a decidedly awkward position。”I unburdened myself under his friendly gaze。
Nantu，who was a brilliant student，laughed heartily；my predicament was not without a comic aspect。
“You are utterly unprepared for the fnals！I suppose it is up to me to help you！”
The night was far gone when I departed。Nantu had coached me in my various subjects but，under press of time，had forgotten my course in Sanskrit。
I set out on a short walk the next morning。As I took a short cut through the weeds of a corner lot，my eye fell on a few loose printed sheets。A triumphant pounce proved them to be Sanskrit verse。I sought out a pundit for aid in my stumbling interpretation。His rich voice flled the air with the edgeless，honeyed beauty of the ancient tongue。
“These exceptional stanzas cannot possibly be of aid in your Sanskrit test。”The scholar dismissed them skeptically。
But familiarity with that particular poem enabled me on the following day to pass the Sanskrit examination。Through the discerning help Nantu had given，I also attained the minimum grade for success in all my other subjects。
My gratitude sped to the Lord，whose sole guidance I perceived in my visit to Nantu and my walk by the unhabitual route of the debris-flled lot。
In my new dignity，I was now openly planning to leave home。Together with a young friend，Jitendra Mazumdar，I decided to join a Mahamandal hermitage in Benares，and receive its spiritual discipline。
“I make one last plea。”Father was distressed as I stood before him for fnal blessing。“Do not forsake me and your grieving brothers and sisters。”
With reluctant parental consent，I set out to join Jitendra，already in Benares at the hermitage。
On my arrival the young head swami，Dyananda，greeted me cordially。His fair face had a Buddhalike composure。
I was pleased that my new home possessed an attic，where I managed to spend the dawn and morning hours。The ashram members，knowing little of meditation practices，thought I should employ my whole time in organizational duties。
“Dont try to catch God so soon！”This ridicule from a fellow resident accompanied one of my early departures toward the attic。I went to Dyananda，busy in his small sanctum overlooking the Ganges。
“Swamiji，I dont understand what is required of me here。I am seeking direct perception of God。Without Him，I cannot be satisfied with affiliation or creed or performance of good works。”
The orange-robed ecclesiastic gave me an affectionate pat。Staging a mock rebuke，he admonished a few near-by disciples。“Dont bother Mukunda。He will learn our ways。”
The sole treasure which had accompanied me from Calcutta was the SADHU‘s silver amulet bequeathed to me by Mother。Guarding it for years，I now had it carefully hidden in my ashram room。To renew my joy in the talismanic testimony，one morning I opened the locked box。The sealed covering untouched，lo！the amulet was gone。Mournfully I tore open its envelope and made unmistakably sure。It had vanished，in accordance with the SADHU’s prediction，into the ether whence he had summoned it。
My relationship with Dyanandas followers grew steadily worse。
Torn by spiritual anguish，I entered the attic one dawn，resolved to pray until answer was vouchsafed。
“Merciful Mother of the Universe，teach me Thyself through visions，or through a guru sent by Thee！”
The passing hours found my sobbing pleas without response。Suddenly I felt lifted as though bodily to a sphere uncircumscribed。
“Thy Master cometh today！”A divine womanly voice came from everywhere and nowhere。
This supernal experience was pierced by a shout from a definite locale。A young priest nicknamed Habu was calling me from the downstairs kitchen。
“Mukunda，enough of meditation！You are needed for an errand。”
Another day I might have replied impatiently；now I wiped my tear-swollen face and meekly obeyed the summons。Together Habu and I set out for a distant market place in the Bengali section of Benares。
A Christlike man in the ocher robes of a swami stood motionless at the end of the road。Instantly and anciently familiar he seemed；my gaze fed hungrily for a trice。Then doubt assailed me。
“You are confusing this wandering monk with someone known to you，”I thought。“Dreamer，walk on。”
After ten minutes，I felt heavy numbness in my feet。As though turned to stone，they were unable to carry me farther。Laboriously I turned around；my feet regained normalcy。I faced the opposite direction；again the curious weight oppressed me。
“The saint is magnetically drawing me to him！”With this thought，I heaped my parcels into the arms of Habu。He had been observing my erratic footwork with amazement，and now burst into laughter。
“What ails you？Are you crazy？”
My tumultuous emotion prevented any retort；I sped silently away。
Retracing my steps as though wing-shod，I reached the narrow lane。My quick glance revealed the quiet fgure，steadily gazing in my direction。A few eager steps and I was at his feet。
“Gurudeva！”The divine face was none other than he of my thousand visions。These halcyon eyes，in leonine head with pointed beard and flowing locks，had oft peered through gloom of my nocturnal reveries，holding a promise I had not fully understood。
“O my own，you have come to me！”My guru uttered the words again and again in Bengali，his voice tremulous with joy。“How many years I have waited for you！”
As we made our way to the stone balcony of a house overlooking the Ganges，he said affectionately：
“I will give you my hermitages and all I possess。”
“Sir，I come for wisdom and God-contact。Those are your treasure-troves I am after！”“I give you my unconditional love。”
“Will you give me the same unconditional love？”He gazed at me with childlike trust。“I will love you eternally，Gurudeva！”
“Ordinary love is selfsh，darkly rooted in desires and satisfactions。Divine love is without condition，without boundary，without change。The fux of the human heart is gone forever at the transfxing touch of pure love。”He added humbly，“If ever you fndme falling from a state of God-realization，please promise to put my head on your lap and help to bring me back to the Cosmic Beloved we both worship。”
He rose then in the gathering darkness and guided me to an inner room。As we ate mangoes and almond sweetmeats，he unobtrusively wove into his conversation an intimate knowledge of my nature。
“Do not grieve for your amulet。It has served its purpose。”Like a divine mirror，my guru apparently had caught a refection of my whole life。
“The living reality of your presence，Master，is joy beyond any symbol。”
“It is time for a change，inasmuch as you are unhappily situated in the hermitage。”
I had made no references to my life；they now seemed superfuous！By his natural，unemphatic manner，I understood that he wished no astonished ejaculations at his clairvoyance。
“You should go back to Calcutta。Why exclude relatives from your love of humanity？”
His suggestion dismayed me。
“Sir，I am not returning home。But I will follow you anywhere。Please give me your address，and your name。”
“Swami Sri Yukteswar Giri。My chief hermitage is in Serampore，on Rai Ghat Lane。I am visiting my mother here for only a few days。”
I wondered at Gods intricate play with His devotees。Serampore is but twelve miles from Calcutta，yet in those regions I had never caught a glimpse of my guru。We had had to travel for our meeting to the ancient city of Kasi（Benares），hallowed by memories of Lahiri Mahasaya。Here too the feet of Buddha，Shankaracharya and other Yogi-Christs had blessed the soil。
“You will come to me in four weeks。”For the frst time，Sri Yukteswars voice was stern。“Now I have told my eternal affection，and have shown my happiness at fnding you-that is why you disregard my request。The next time we meet，you will have to reawaken my interest：I wont accept you as a disciple easily。There must be complete surrender by obedience to my strict training。”
My guru easily penetrated my diffculty。
“I will not return。”
“You will return in thirty days。”
“Never。”Bowing reverently at his feet，I departed without lightening the controversial tension。
In three weeks，Dyananda left the ashram to attend a conference in Bombay；pandemonium broke over my hapless head。
“Mukunda is a parasite，accepting hermitage hospitality without making proper return。”
Overhearing this remark，I regretted for the frst time that I had obeyed the request to send back my money to Father。With heavy heart，I sought out my sole friend，Jitendra。
“I am leaving。Please convey my respectful regrets to Dyanandaji when he returns。”
“I will leave also！My attempts to meditate here meet with no more favor than your own。”Jitendra spoke with determination。
“I have met a Christlike saint。Let us visit him in Serampore。”
