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> 第六十二章 An Experience
第六十二章 An Experience
第六十二章 An Experience In Cosmic Consciousness
“I am here，Guruji。”My shamefacedness spoke more eloquently for me。
“Master，I must have disappointed you by my abrupt departure from my duties here；I thought you might be angry with me。”
“No，of course not！Wrath springs only from thwarted desires。I do not expect anything from others，so their actions cannot be in opposition to wishes of mine。I would not use you for my own ends；I am happy only in your own true happiness。”
We looked into each others eyes，where tears were shining。A blissful wave engulfed me；I was conscious that the Lord，in the form of my guru，was expanding the small ardors of my heart into the incompressible reaches of cosmic love。
A few mornings later I made my way to Masters empty sitting room。I planned to meditate，but my laudable purpose was unshared by disobedient thoughts。
“Mukunda！”Sri Yukteswars voice sounded from a distant inner balcony。
I felt as rebellious as my thoughts。“Master always urges me to meditate，”I muttered to myself。
“He should not disturb me when he knows why I came to his room。”
He summoned me again；I remained obstinately silent。The third time his tone held rebuke。
“Sir，I am meditating，”I shouted protestingly。
“I know how you are meditating，”my guru called out，“with your mind distributed like leaves in a storm！Come here to me。”
Snubbed and exposed，I made my way sadly to his side。
“Poor boy，the mountains couldnt give what you wanted。”Master spoke caressively，comfortingly。His calm gaze was unfathomable。“Your hearts desire shall be fulflled。”
He struck gently on my chest above the heart。
My body became immovably rooted；breath was drawn out of my lungs as if by some huge magnet。Soul and mind instantly lost their physical bondage，and streamed out like a fuid piercing light from my every pore。The fesh was as though dead，yet in my intenseawareness I knew that never before had I been fully alive。My sense of identity was no longer narrowly confned to a body，but embraced the circumambient atoms。People on distant streets seemed to be moving gently over my own remote periphery。The roots of plants and trees appeared through a dim transparency of the soil；I discerned the inward fow of their sap。
The whole vicinity lay bare before me。My ordinary frontal vision was now changed to a vast spherical sight，simultaneously all-perceptive。Through the back of my head I saw men strolling far down Rai Ghat Road，and noticed also a white cow who was leisurely approaching。When she reached the space in front of the open ashram gate，I observed her with my two physical eyes。As she passed by，behind the brick wall，I saw her clearly still。
All objects within my panoramic gaze trembled and vibrated like quick motion pictures。My body，Masters，the pillared courtyard，the furniture and foor，the trees and sunshine，occasionally became violently agitated，until all melted into a luminescent sea；even as sugar crystals，thrown into a glass of water，dissolve after being shaken。The unifying light alternated with materializations of form，the metamorphoses revealing the law of cause and effect in creation。
An oceanic joy broke upon calm endless shores of my soul。The Spirit of God，I realized，is exhaustless Bliss；His body is countless tissues of light。A swelling glory within me began to envelop towns，continents，the earth，solar and stellar systems，tenuous nebulae，and floating universes。The entire cosmos，gently luminous，like a city seen afar at night，glimmered within the infnitude of my being。The sharply etched global outlines faded somewhat at the farthest edges；there I could see a mellow radiance，ever-undiminished。It was indescribably subtle；the planetary pictures were formed of a grosser light。
The divine dispersion of rays poured from an Eternal Source，blazing into galaxies，transfgured with ineffable auras。Again and again I saw the creative beams condense into constellations，then resolve into sheets of transparent fame。By rhythmic reversion，sextillion worlds passed into diaphanous luster；fre became frmament。
I cognized the center of the empyrean as a point of intuitive perception in my heart。Irradiating splendor issued from my nucleus to every part of the universal structure。Blissful amrita，the nectar of immortality，pulsed through me with a quicksilverlike fuidity。The creative voice of God I heard resounding as Aum，the vibration of the Cosmic Motor。
Suddenly the breath returned to my lungs。With a disappointment almost unbearable，I realized that my infnite immensity was lost。Once more I was limited to the humiliating cage of a body，not easily accommodative to the Spirit。
My guru was standing motionless before me；I started to drop at his holy feet in gratitude for the experience in cosmic consciousness which I had long passionately sought。He held me upright，and spoke calmly，unpretentiously。
“You must not get overdrunk with ecstasy。Much work yet remains for you in the world。Come；let us sweep the balcony foor；then we shall walk by the Ganges。”
A master bestows the divine experience of cosmic consciousness when his disciple，by meditation，has strengthened his mind to a degree where the vast vistas would not overwhelm him。The experience can never be given through one‘s mere intellectual willingness or open-mindedness。Only adequate enlargement by yoga practice and devotional bhakti can prepare the mind to absorb the liberating shock of omnipresence。It comes with a natural inevitability to the sincere devotee。His intense craving begins to pull at God with an irresistible force。The Lord，as the Cosmic Vision，is drawn by the seeker’s magnetic ardor into his range of consciousness。
I wrote，in my later years，the following poem，“Samadhi，”endeavoring to convey the glory of its cosmic state：
Vanished the veils of light and shade，
Lifted every vapor of sorrow，
Sailed away all dawns of feeting joy，
Gone the dim sensory mirage。
Love，hate，health，disease，life，death，
Perished these false shadows on the screen of duality。
Waves of laughter，scyllas of sarcasm，melancholic whirlpools，
Melting in the vast sea of bliss。
The storm of maya stilled
By magic wand of intuition deep。
The universe，forgotten dream，subconsciously lurks，
Ready to invade my newly-wakened memory divine。
I live without the cosmic shadow，
But it is not，bereft of me；
As the sea exists without the waves，
But they breathe not without the sea。
Dreams，wakings，states of deep turia sleep，
Present，past，future，no more for me，
But ever-present，all-fowing I，I，everywhere。
Planets，stars，stardust，earth，
Volcanic bursts of doomsday cataclysms，
Creations molding furnace，
Glaciers of silent x-rays，burning electron foods，
Thoughts of all men，past，present，to come，
Every blade of grass，myself，mankind，
Each particle of universal dust，
Anger，greed，good，bad，salvation，lust，
I swallowed，transmuted all
Into a vast ocean of blood of my own one Being！
Smoldering joy，oft-puffed by meditation
Blinding my tearful eyes，
Burst into immortal fames of bliss，
Consumed my tears，my frame，my all。
Thou art I，I am Thou，
Knowing，Knower，Known，as One！
Tranquilled，unbroken thrill，eternally living，ever-new peace！
Enjoyable beyond imagination of expectancy，samadhi bliss！
Not an unconscious state
Or mental chloroform without wilful return，
Samadhi but extends my conscious realm
Beyond limits of the mortal frame
To farthest boundary of eternity
Where I，the Cosmic Sea，
Watch the little ego foating in Me。
The sparrow，each grain of sand，fall not without My sight。
All space foats like an iceberg in My mental sea。
Colossal Container，I，of all things made。
By deeper，longer，thirsty，guru-given meditation
Comes this celestial samadhi。
Mobile murmurs of atoms are heard，
The dark earth，mountains，vales，lo！molten liquid！
Flowing seas change into vapors of nebulae！
Aum blows upon vapors，opening wondrously their veils，
Oceans stand revealed，shining electrons，
Till，at last sound of the cosmic drum，
Vanish the grosser lights into eternal rays
Of all-pervading bliss。
From joy I came，for joy I live，in sacred joy I melt。
Ocean of mind，I drink all creations waves。
Four veils of solid，liquid，vapor，light，
Lift aright。
Myself，in everything，enters the Great Myself。
Gone forever，ftful，fickering shadows of mortal memory。
Spotless is my mental sky，below，ahead，and high above。
Eternity and I，one united ray。
A tiny bubble of laughter，I
Am become the Sea of Mirth Itself。
Sri Yukteswar taught me how to summon the blessed experience at will，and also how to transmit it to others if their intuitive channels were developed。For months I entered the ecstatic union，comprehending why the Upanishads say God is rasa，“the most relishable”。One day，however，I took a problem to Master。
“I want to know，sir-when shall I fnd God？”
“You have found Him。”
“O no，sir，I dont think so！”
My guru was smiling。I am sure you aren‘t expecting a venerable Personage，adorning a throne in some antiseptic corner of the cosmos！I see，however，that you are imagining that the possession of miraculous powers is knowledge of God。One might have the whole universe，and fnd the Lord elusive still！Spiritual advancement is not measured by one’s outward powers，but only by the depth of his bliss in meditation。
“Ever-new Joy Is God。He is inexhaustible；as you continue your meditations during the years，He will beguile you with an infnite ingenuity。Devotees like yourself whohave found the way to God never dream of exchanging Him for any other happiness；He is seductive beyond thought of competition。”
“I understand now，sir，why saints call the Lord unfathomable。Even everlasting life could not suffce to appraise Him。”
“That is true；but He is also near and dear。After the mind has been cleared by Kriya Yoga of sensory obstacles，meditation furnishes a twofold proof of God。Ever-new joy is evidence of His existence，convincing to our very atoms。Also，in meditation one fnds His instant guidance，His adequate response to every diffculty。”
“I see，Guruji；you have solved my problem。”I smiled gratefully。“I do realize now that I have found God，for whenever the joy of meditation has returned subconsciously during my active hours，I have been subtly directed to adopt the right course in everything，even details。”
“Human life is beset with sorrow until we know how to tune in with the Divine Will，whose‘right course’is often baffing to the egoistic intelligence。God bears the burden of the cosmos；He alone can give unerring counsel。”
“I am here，Guruji。”My shamefacedness spoke more eloquently for me。
“Master，I must have disappointed you by my abrupt departure from my duties here；I thought you might be angry with me。”
“No，of course not！Wrath springs only from thwarted desires。I do not expect anything from others，so their actions cannot be in opposition to wishes of mine。I would not use you for my own ends；I am happy only in your own true happiness。”
We looked into each others eyes，where tears were shining。A blissful wave engulfed me；I was conscious that the Lord，in the form of my guru，was expanding the small ardors of my heart into the incompressible reaches of cosmic love。
A few mornings later I made my way to Masters empty sitting room。I planned to meditate，but my laudable purpose was unshared by disobedient thoughts。
“Mukunda！”Sri Yukteswars voice sounded from a distant inner balcony。
I felt as rebellious as my thoughts。“Master always urges me to meditate，”I muttered to myself。
“He should not disturb me when he knows why I came to his room。”
He summoned me again；I remained obstinately silent。The third time his tone held rebuke。
“Sir，I am meditating，”I shouted protestingly。
“I know how you are meditating，”my guru called out，“with your mind distributed like leaves in a storm！Come here to me。”
Snubbed and exposed，I made my way sadly to his side。
“Poor boy，the mountains couldnt give what you wanted。”Master spoke caressively，comfortingly。His calm gaze was unfathomable。“Your hearts desire shall be fulflled。”
He struck gently on my chest above the heart。
My body became immovably rooted；breath was drawn out of my lungs as if by some huge magnet。Soul and mind instantly lost their physical bondage，and streamed out like a fuid piercing light from my every pore。The fesh was as though dead，yet in my intenseawareness I knew that never before had I been fully alive。My sense of identity was no longer narrowly confned to a body，but embraced the circumambient atoms。People on distant streets seemed to be moving gently over my own remote periphery。The roots of plants and trees appeared through a dim transparency of the soil；I discerned the inward fow of their sap。
The whole vicinity lay bare before me。My ordinary frontal vision was now changed to a vast spherical sight，simultaneously all-perceptive。Through the back of my head I saw men strolling far down Rai Ghat Road，and noticed also a white cow who was leisurely approaching。When she reached the space in front of the open ashram gate，I observed her with my two physical eyes。As she passed by，behind the brick wall，I saw her clearly still。
All objects within my panoramic gaze trembled and vibrated like quick motion pictures。My body，Masters，the pillared courtyard，the furniture and foor，the trees and sunshine，occasionally became violently agitated，until all melted into a luminescent sea；even as sugar crystals，thrown into a glass of water，dissolve after being shaken。The unifying light alternated with materializations of form，the metamorphoses revealing the law of cause and effect in creation。
An oceanic joy broke upon calm endless shores of my soul。The Spirit of God，I realized，is exhaustless Bliss；His body is countless tissues of light。A swelling glory within me began to envelop towns，continents，the earth，solar and stellar systems，tenuous nebulae，and floating universes。The entire cosmos，gently luminous，like a city seen afar at night，glimmered within the infnitude of my being。The sharply etched global outlines faded somewhat at the farthest edges；there I could see a mellow radiance，ever-undiminished。It was indescribably subtle；the planetary pictures were formed of a grosser light。
The divine dispersion of rays poured from an Eternal Source，blazing into galaxies，transfgured with ineffable auras。Again and again I saw the creative beams condense into constellations，then resolve into sheets of transparent fame。By rhythmic reversion，sextillion worlds passed into diaphanous luster；fre became frmament。
I cognized the center of the empyrean as a point of intuitive perception in my heart。Irradiating splendor issued from my nucleus to every part of the universal structure。Blissful amrita，the nectar of immortality，pulsed through me with a quicksilverlike fuidity。The creative voice of God I heard resounding as Aum，the vibration of the Cosmic Motor。
Suddenly the breath returned to my lungs。With a disappointment almost unbearable，I realized that my infnite immensity was lost。Once more I was limited to the humiliating cage of a body，not easily accommodative to the Spirit。
My guru was standing motionless before me；I started to drop at his holy feet in gratitude for the experience in cosmic consciousness which I had long passionately sought。He held me upright，and spoke calmly，unpretentiously。
“You must not get overdrunk with ecstasy。Much work yet remains for you in the world。Come；let us sweep the balcony foor；then we shall walk by the Ganges。”
A master bestows the divine experience of cosmic consciousness when his disciple，by meditation，has strengthened his mind to a degree where the vast vistas would not overwhelm him。The experience can never be given through one‘s mere intellectual willingness or open-mindedness。Only adequate enlargement by yoga practice and devotional bhakti can prepare the mind to absorb the liberating shock of omnipresence。It comes with a natural inevitability to the sincere devotee。His intense craving begins to pull at God with an irresistible force。The Lord，as the Cosmic Vision，is drawn by the seeker’s magnetic ardor into his range of consciousness。
I wrote，in my later years，the following poem，“Samadhi，”endeavoring to convey the glory of its cosmic state：
Vanished the veils of light and shade，
Lifted every vapor of sorrow，
Sailed away all dawns of feeting joy，
Gone the dim sensory mirage。
Love，hate，health，disease，life，death，
Perished these false shadows on the screen of duality。
Waves of laughter，scyllas of sarcasm，melancholic whirlpools，
Melting in the vast sea of bliss。
The storm of maya stilled
By magic wand of intuition deep。
The universe，forgotten dream，subconsciously lurks，
Ready to invade my newly-wakened memory divine。
I live without the cosmic shadow，
But it is not，bereft of me；
As the sea exists without the waves，
But they breathe not without the sea。
Dreams，wakings，states of deep turia sleep，
Present，past，future，no more for me，
But ever-present，all-fowing I，I，everywhere。
Planets，stars，stardust，earth，
Volcanic bursts of doomsday cataclysms，
Creations molding furnace，
Glaciers of silent x-rays，burning electron foods，
Thoughts of all men，past，present，to come，
Every blade of grass，myself，mankind，
Each particle of universal dust，
Anger，greed，good，bad，salvation，lust，
I swallowed，transmuted all
Into a vast ocean of blood of my own one Being！
Smoldering joy，oft-puffed by meditation
Blinding my tearful eyes，
Burst into immortal fames of bliss，
Consumed my tears，my frame，my all。
Thou art I，I am Thou，
Knowing，Knower，Known，as One！
Tranquilled，unbroken thrill，eternally living，ever-new peace！
Enjoyable beyond imagination of expectancy，samadhi bliss！
Not an unconscious state
Or mental chloroform without wilful return，
Samadhi but extends my conscious realm
Beyond limits of the mortal frame
To farthest boundary of eternity
Where I，the Cosmic Sea，
Watch the little ego foating in Me。
The sparrow，each grain of sand，fall not without My sight。
All space foats like an iceberg in My mental sea。
Colossal Container，I，of all things made。
By deeper，longer，thirsty，guru-given meditation
Comes this celestial samadhi。
Mobile murmurs of atoms are heard，
The dark earth，mountains，vales，lo！molten liquid！
Flowing seas change into vapors of nebulae！
Aum blows upon vapors，opening wondrously their veils，
Oceans stand revealed，shining electrons，
Till，at last sound of the cosmic drum，
Vanish the grosser lights into eternal rays
Of all-pervading bliss。
From joy I came，for joy I live，in sacred joy I melt。
Ocean of mind，I drink all creations waves。
Four veils of solid，liquid，vapor，light，
Lift aright。
Myself，in everything，enters the Great Myself。
Gone forever，ftful，fickering shadows of mortal memory。
Spotless is my mental sky，below，ahead，and high above。
Eternity and I，one united ray。
A tiny bubble of laughter，I
Am become the Sea of Mirth Itself。
Sri Yukteswar taught me how to summon the blessed experience at will，and also how to transmit it to others if their intuitive channels were developed。For months I entered the ecstatic union，comprehending why the Upanishads say God is rasa，“the most relishable”。One day，however，I took a problem to Master。
“I want to know，sir-when shall I fnd God？”
“You have found Him。”
“O no，sir，I dont think so！”
My guru was smiling。I am sure you aren‘t expecting a venerable Personage，adorning a throne in some antiseptic corner of the cosmos！I see，however，that you are imagining that the possession of miraculous powers is knowledge of God。One might have the whole universe，and fnd the Lord elusive still！Spiritual advancement is not measured by one’s outward powers，but only by the depth of his bliss in meditation。
“Ever-new Joy Is God。He is inexhaustible；as you continue your meditations during the years，He will beguile you with an infnite ingenuity。Devotees like yourself whohave found the way to God never dream of exchanging Him for any other happiness；He is seductive beyond thought of competition。”
“I understand now，sir，why saints call the Lord unfathomable。Even everlasting life could not suffce to appraise Him。”
“That is true；but He is also near and dear。After the mind has been cleared by Kriya Yoga of sensory obstacles，meditation furnishes a twofold proof of God。Ever-new joy is evidence of His existence，convincing to our very atoms。Also，in meditation one fnds His instant guidance，His adequate response to every diffculty。”
“I see，Guruji；you have solved my problem。”I smiled gratefully。“I do realize now that I have found God，for whenever the joy of meditation has returned subconsciously during my active hours，I have been subtly directed to adopt the right course in everything，even details。”
“Human life is beset with sorrow until we know how to tune in with the Divine Will，whose‘right course’is often baffing to the egoistic intelligence。God bears the burden of the cosmos；He alone can give unerring counsel。”
