Hi I am very sorry to hear that. I think you are depressed. I had very depressing moments due to other reasons (primarlily from work and earnings). I was a demanding husband and father. It peaked during the time I was doing a major rennovation of our new house. From time to time I unleashed my anger and dissatisfaction from work onto my wife and kids. I regretted afterwards but I can't get out of the pattern. My wife barely stood me and thought about divorce (she later told me). In the summer of 2009 one of her co-worker told her about Landmark Education (http://www.landmarkeducation.com/. The slogan is to live a powerful life and live a life you love. They want to help you to creat your possibilities. The things you think impossible to get, love, peace, courage, etc. I went to a free seminar and I kind of clicked with the contents. I paid the tuition (not cheap, $485) and took the course called landmrk forum (whole day from Fri to Sun plus next Tue night). I entered the room with the crowd of 100+ people with suspicion. I walked out of the room feeling myself reborn. Unbeliveable? Yes, even I didn't believe. From that moment I felt like I had been on a space shuttel and traveling in the outer space for 3.5 days. After I landed on earth everything looked different to me. I am not kidding. It totally transformed my perception about lieterally everything. It foundamentally change how I relate to my wife, kids, my boss, more importantly, to myself. I have never felt so happy, so light, and my mind has never felt so quiet. The first few days I was so hyped and my wife was a bit scared. But over time she was conviced my change and in Nov of the year she took the course. Next Jan I went back to review the course since they offered my a incredible deal ($100). It reinforced what I got of the course. In the coming summer I persuaded my sister to enter the course. All of us benefit to varing degreee, with me being the most. This is the most rewarding investment I have made in my entire life. I am going to put my kids in the course when they reach the age (landmark forum for young people, 8yrs to 12 yrs). Pls go check it out. Call the center nearby. They are the niceset people I have ever met. This is non-religious, for profit education corporation. They are teaching courses in over 30 courtries (including china) with 7 lauguages. I assure you just by talking to them will make you feel better. I can't write any more due to time. I have been thinking about writing my story and haven't found time. It's probably going to take me days. I had tons to write and to say. Believe, call them and take the course. What could be the worst, losing $485? It's much better than losing your could-be happy life. I have seen so many classmates and so many Chinese around me like you. After the class I can see all of you could have a wonderful life. The possibility is just 3.5 days away. with best love and care